What I have Learned

So, I have been a mom for one year and two months, and have kept an ongoing list in my phone of things I have realized and learned and had no idea about...  here are some of those things...

1.  Feeding baby as a newborn is one thing, but then going back to sleep is quite another.  It takes about 5 minutes for baby to suck down a bottle... but then after, he is staring back like, "now what?"  Rocking, singing, swaying, bouncing, over and over follows for 45 minutes before he was even ready to go to sleep again.  This leaves little room for sleep for myself (unless baby sleeping on top of you counts, while you doze, which let me tell you it does not), especially when you have to pump after that.  Quick!!!!  Put him in the swing, pump, wash bottles and pump parts because you haven't figured out you don't have to wash pump parts each and every time, eat a cookie someone baked for you and dropped off, close your eyes... and "ohhhh hi.... baby... you are up again!?"  Like, I knew I would be up a lot in the middle of the night, feeding, and I knew I would be tired.  But, I had no idea how long this process actually was and the level of tiredness I would actually be.

2. Breastfeeding is not as easy as some women make it look.  My idea of breastfeeding pre baby was "oh, you are hungry?"  Let me lift up my shirt wherever we are, you eat, and we go on our merry way.  NOPE.  That is not what it is... at least in my experience and in the many handfuls of women I have met throughout the course of the year in two separate support groups.  These are women who sit and cry that they are bad mothers because they can't feed their little offspring easily.  I was one of them, wondering what the heck I was doing wrong.  I came close to mastitis a couple times, but was well educated about it so never actually needed antibiotics.  Clogged milk ducts, pain, blebs, low grade temps and blisters were my issues.  Lots of hydration, massage, hot packs, manual expression, and Tylenol followed.  Most looked at me like... why do you go on like this?  Even the lactation consultants were baffled.  I just felt like it was my duty.  Hey, I sit home all day.  I should be able to feed my baby, right?  I should also note I am very much a quitter.  I quit almost anything I try that I am not good at BESIDES that one year I chose to play softball because all my friends were doing it, landed on a team without my friends on it... and they totally hated me because I don't have an athletic bone in my body.  Besides, not quitting THAT... I just couldn't quit trying to breastfeed.  And wouldn't you know it month 11 rolled around and it became easier.  Probably because he was eating less.  So the pain and other symptoms all became less.  I sit here now, thinking, is this how it should of gone the whole time?  The answer is YES.  (insert eye roll here.)

2a.  Also, learning how opinionated people are on breastfeeding... and how touchy a subject it is, is shocking and will probably warrant a whole other post on the topic one day.
2b.  Also, learning the whole breastfeeding process, and how things actually happen internally.  It's crazy.  I know more about my boobs then I ever thought possible.

3. What's so hard about sleep anyway?  I know you're tired.  You know you're tired.  Shut your eyes.  Go to sleep.  I can shut my eyes and go to sleep.  Why can't you?  You are not going to miss anything.  I promise.

4. Say it ain't true.  Your fur babies really do take a back seat.  I said it wouldn't happen, but it did.  There are days I forget to feed Lucas til Archer is in bed for the night.  I didn't get to sit and cry for days after Charlie died like I did when Rascal died.  I don't really want another dog until my child is trained.  I hate that I am even saying this.  Also, is your child ever really trained?

5. The advice from everyone who can form an opinion, especially those who raised their kids front facing in the front seat, feeding solids at 3 months, stomach sleepers and their kids didn't die never stops.  And God forbid you say, well, that's not what they suggest you do now a days... they roll their eyes.  It puts a real cramp in my style.  As if I am not going to listen to my medically trained professional about placing my baby in the crib on his back with no blankets because there is evidence they could die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome if so?  Of course I am going to listen to the doctor, thanks.  And yes, maybe in a year they will change all the rules... but you know, you gotta follow something.  I choose what my doctor says.  The Earth and everything in it evolves.  So does child rearing.  I am only trying to do what's right. Just let it be.  If I hear one more time, "I did this with my kids and they turned out fine...." especially coming from the check out lady at the store...

6. The amount of people who will not help to open a door in public is shocking.  My gosh, like really... here you are struggling to get thru doors with the stroller and people just see you and keep moving about their business.  Not all of course.  But a lot of people. Karma people, karma.

7. All my clothes are ruined.  All of them.  Nothing fits like it used too, nothing fits in general.  And the thought of buying anything new just makes me mad because that will get ruined too.

8. I literally feel like he is an extension of my body.  And that's because he is an extension of my body.  When he hurts, I hurt.  The patience I have for him I have for no one else.  I don't even know where it comes from.  My mom says it's because you have no other choice.  One year, 2 months, and 8 days later... I still look at him and think, that little cutie patootie kid came out of me?  Mind blowing.

9. Sleep when baby sleeps is 97 percent of the time not an option.

10.  My boobs hurt more than my C-section for most of the entire first year.  Fun story.  My milk came in the day of his birth.  Most women, this doesn't happen to for a couple days.  I woke up day 2 with my chest so swollen, you couldn't even see my clavicle bones.  The lactation consultants had Adam going to the grocery store for cabbage, a natural way to help with breast inflammation, pain, and swelling from overproduction of milk, which is what I had... always an overachiever.  My breasts were so engorged, we couldn't even practice breastfeeding and latching in the hospital.  This I think played into the reason I have had so much trouble.  Needless to say, when the nurses came in to ask me my pain rating on the pain scale, I would ask well which pain, breast pain or incisional pain?  They were astounded that the 6 inch incision thru my abdominal wall and uterus wasn't bothering me like it should have, I guess.  And don't get me wrong, it hurt.  But my boobs feeling like bricks hurt more.  It still baffles me.

11. Often people ask, do you miss going out?  Well, yes, as Adam and I are big foodies, and like to try new restaurants, we do often miss this.  But a lot of times I feel like I am giving up more when I can't take my allergy medicine or cold meds than I do from nights out.  I get sick often, always have.  Despite washing my hands 100 times a day.  But... not being able to take my allergy medicine during allergy season the past two years, (for pregnancy and then breastfeeding purposes) well, that was a huge thing for me.

12. Watching the news takes on a whole new meaning of worry.  Being a stay at home mom now, I have watched the news more in 2017 than I have in my whole life put together.  I am a worrier who deals with anxiety, and I just can't even.  Some say, don't watch.  Turn on something happy.  But how can you ignore the saddness, destruction, poverty, senselessness, when you are supposed to raise a kid in this world.

13.  Salad doesn't belong in the pantry.  Just like socks don't go in the freezer.  You need the keys in your purse to start the car.  Lucas isn't Archer, and Archer isn't Lucas.... that mom brain thing is real. I have never felt more stupid in my life.  Period.  If I did work right now, my poor patients would be sending me home to rest.

14. It's amazing how little sleep one needs to take care of self and baby.  The best part though, you can look as ugly as you want... as long as you give him a little bit of food, love, and change his diaper.  He does not care.  In fact, he does not care about anything else.  All the time you spent fancying up the nursery, getting all the little outfits ready, and making things perfect.  He doesn't care.

15.  I secretly love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and the Hot Dog Song more than my baby.  I don't know what it is.  But I love it, and just can't even wait til the end of the show for the song to play.  I hope this doesn't change.  And really, who are we kidding?  Erica, love Mickey Mouse????

16. Why are remote controls so interesting?  In a room full of toys, give him a remote control and he is quiet, but don't leave him alone too long with it, or he might just order porn.  True story.

17. Why does he make a noise when I want to hear something on TV?  I will wait 52 minutes to hear what Al Roker has to say... and just when he goes to make the announcement.  He starts crying or whining. Whyyyyyyyyyyy????

18.  It's better than it was is my new personal motto.  When I can get half the job done... I say it's better than it was... mostly with cleaning.  I like things clean and clutter free.  And dust free.  When it is my world is better.  I feel like I can do anything.  I can relax.  Some may say... well that's not what's important right now.  But it is.  Trust me.  It is.  And if I can just get a little bit done instead of the whole house... I am learning to say it's better than it was.  If I do a half ass job with anything, cooking, cleaning, getting the both of us 1/2 ready... "it's better than it was."

19. Carrots light on fire in the microwave.  Did you know that?  Kids or no kids????  It happened.  I just cooked up some carrots so they were soft on the stove... refridgerated... and then went to reheat later... and fire happened.  Before children, I wouldn't have dreamed of even reheating a carrot by itself.  BARF.  Was this mom brain?  Did I throw in some aluminum foil too?  Well, thank you google.  I am not 100 percent certified....

"Microwaves function by creating electromagnetic waves that cause the water, fat and sugar molecules inside food to vibrate and thereby, heat. While an electric field is created throughout the inside of the entire microwave, the electricity’s intensity will vary, which is where your food comes in. When any nutrient and mineral-rich food is cut up into smaller pieces and placed inside a microwave, each piece of whatever is being cooked will take on a different amount of electricity and this discrepancy will sometimes cause sparks to form."

20.  Being a stay at home mom is much harder than I ever thought it would be.  It's lonely and isolating.  (Thank GOD for the internet!  And my cell phone!  And all four hours of the TODAY show who have become my extended family EXCEPT Matt Lauer).  I have been working since I was 16.  I am good at being a good worker.  I got to work on time.  Felt terrible the 5 times I didn't get to work on time.  Stayed extra, worked extra shifts, made a ton of friends along the way.  I have always gotten good reviews.  And in the beginning of motherhood I was left to look at my baby and figure out why he was crying despite the obvious.  My only goal was to keep him happy.  And I couldn't do it or at least felt that way at the time.  I was failing at my new job.  Difference is this guy didn't come with a manual or any kind of orientation like all my previous jobs did.  I didn't get a review and I realized I need someone to tell me I am doing a good job that is not my family or friends.  

I started really getting down on myself too thinking, woman can do this and work too?  And I can't even do 1/2 of it.  I tear up typing that now.  I feel down on myself because some days I feel like I am really losing it.  I look forward to the HOT DOG song for goodness sakes.

But then I look at the positive and that is, I get to witness every minute of my son's life.  How special is that?  I consider it a privilege to see some of the things working parents might miss, including my own husband.  The confidence he gets each and every day with walking, sneaking new foods in (whip cream?) and the smile that spreads across his face when he tastes it, the interactions in the stores with people, figuring out and mastering new toys, going to parks, doing simple things because that's all that matters.... right now, he thinks whatever I do is cool... so I am going to take it in and live it up. 

I also am just trying to give myself credit where credit is due.  It's hard.  There are no breaks, and you work hard, and get paid in smiles (if you are lucky).  The days are long, but the years are short.  And before I know it I will be dancing at his wedding.  Let the learning continue.