Christmas Letter

If you are reading this you probably received our Christmas card that directed you here to find out all things happening JACOSKI in 2017.  If you didn't get the Christmas card, and are just checking randomly... more points for you for remembering that I have a little piece of cyberspace to update my life to my 9 followers.  Either way, I am glad you are here.... don't forget to leave a comment to let me know you stopped by... it's my only Christmas wish.

2017, where did you go?  If you were not aware, which you shouldn't even be reading this if you weren't aware... Adam and I had a baby who is now ONE.  If I thought time went quickly sans child... then time speeds by with one.  They say the days are slow, but the years are fast.  Goodness, gracious is this true or what!?  Archer was born December 1st last year... the rest of December 2016 was quite a blur... so we look forward to enjoying a fun, joyous holiday season with the little guy.

Does one ever adjust to parenthood?  I am not sure.  Our party of three certainly has found a bit of a routine.  Mom and Archer hang out all day.  The beginning of the year entailed a lot of napping.  A lot of fussing.   A lot of staring at each other.  A lot of tears.  Followed by getting out there in the spring and summer, testing the waters in play groups, library visits, baby yoga, baby massage, swimming, and lunch dates with anyone who would go.  I continue to go to a breastfeeding support group, as now that I have become an old pro, ha, I can support new moms just starting their journey.  I have started attending MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers on a monthly basis.  This is nice because I have some adult conversation, while child care is provided for Archer in a local church.  I get to eat some good food, drink a hot cup of coffee, listen to speakers, and usually do a community project each meeting.

Meanwhile, Adam continues to work downtown, but has adjusted his schedule to work from home as much as possible.  His time with Archer is precious at night and on the weekends.  Archer looks forward to doing all things with dad... swim lessons, being thrown 10 feet in the air, rough housing on the floor, and generally counting the days til they can get on the golf course together.

Most everything this year revolved around Archer.  And we are happy one smile from him can bring so many smiles to others.  Friends and family traveled from near and far throughout the year to meet him, so it has been really great catching up with everyone personally and seeing them interact and spoil him rotten.  It's amazing what one little soul can do.  I think because most pegged us for a couple who was not going to have kids.  I think sometimes we pegged ourselves that way.  For a little while, even we believed it wasn't going to happen.  And so, when we were blessed with our Archie man, people were genuinely happy.  Also, if you have any connection, love or respect for my dad, you see that this little person is going to keep his memory alive -in his forehead, his look (he's not gonna be a pipsqueak), and his ability to make us all laugh.

Personally, I was blown away by all the support I received as a new, very anxious, mother this year.  The reassurance that nope, motherhood is not easy, especially my new role as a stay at home mom.  The stuff no one tells you, that you learn.  The feeling absolutely horrible, that I wasn't there for my friends the same way they were there for me, because I just didn't get it yet.  All I can say is I hope to help at least one new mom the way the rest of you helped me, the way you cheered me on, and the way you taught me that love is all that matters when it comes down to it.

In a year filled of excitement with all the firsts with Archer, came the complete opposite with sorrow in May.  Just less than one week from the day Archer was supposed to meet his Grandpa J for the first time, Adam's dad was taken away from us.  In what was supposed to be an outpatient surgery, possible one night stay, turned into 3 life saving surgeries that the surgeons just couldn't get a hold on.  Adam was able to make it to North Carolina to say goodbye to his dad and for that we are grateful.  Another bright spot is that he was with his dad a couple days prior on a guy's bachelor trip held at John's home, in which he got to golf his second to last game with him... because yes of course, John golfed one more round before surgery.

One week later, Adam's best friend Scott, got married.  Scott found his match in Sam, and we were so happy to be apart of their big day in Virginia despite our shock and devastation.  Adam was honored to be Scott's Best Man and participate in all wedding festivities.  John was a big fan of Scott, and of course would not have wanted it any other way.

Meanwhile, back home we were dealing with a deteriorating Charlie, our 14 year old Yorkshire Terrier.  He was just giving up on all fronts and we made the difficult decision to put him to sleep, one that is never taken lightly with any pet owner.  Charlie died in my arms peacefully, well loved, and we just hope that his second part of life, his life with us, was the best it could be.  Filled with lots of sneak drinks, and sneak food, and plenty of fun and mischief.  That dog kept us on our toes.  Our sunshine Charlie is certainly missed, especially by little bro Lucas.

In the middle of all this chaos that was May, we were scheduled to dedicate Archer at church.  Adam was able to make it back from North Carolina and with a heavy heart celebrate Archer's Dedication and Mother's Day, get back to Virginia, me following a couple days later, and the day we returned say good bye to Charlie.  Talk about stressful and heartbreaking.  It was a difficult time of our lives and the loss of John still hits us like a ton of bricks.

Labor Day weekend we were already scheduled to go to North Carolina as it has become somewhat of a Jaco tradition.  Barbara, Adam's stepmom, decided it would be a good weekend to have John's Memorial.  It turned out beautifully, and tastefully, and was a great testament to him.  It was in their backyard, and on the golf course.  Everyone arrived by golf cart and his friends all pitched in and had a beautiful brick bench built in his memory on the 7th hole.  While we were all sad, we were all there, and celebrated his life, just as he would have wanted. 

And then, just like that the holidays got here.  Our little guy turned ONE!  And in just a couple days we will celebrate Christmas.  I have been thinking a lot about Mary, now that I have become a mother myself.  To bring a child into this world at such a young age, by virgin birth, in a messy, ugly manger, not one that is portrayed in our minds with fluffy animals and a warm bed of hay and angels and other people.  For this child to be the son of God, and the one who would die for our sins... well, I don't quite know that stress and craziness.  I'd be scared.  That's all I know.  It's quite amazing.  I find myself thankful at the end of this year.  While Adam and I have had our struggles, going from two incomes to one, losses, and one huge gain in 2017.  I remember that I have roof over my head, food in my stomach, my health and a wonderful support system of family and friends.  Who could ask for anything more?

We hope that your holiday is wonderful and filled with much happiness.  We also hope that 2018 brings much love, prosperity, and health.   

Love, 

Adam, Erica, Archer, and Lucas

i write when i trout fish

It's no joke that I have been a total slacker in writing in my blog for a couple reasons.  One.  I am a mother now, of a boy who is on the run.  A boy who didn't believe in napping for nearly a year leaving me no time.  And a boy that once he sees any kind of electronic, he's on it wanting to push the buttons.  Two.  I write this blog for people to read it.  And they just don't.  There is very few who read it really- - 9 to be exact.  People forget the web address, they forget I even write a blog sometimes, which makes me think, hey, you don't want to read it... that's cool.  But then, I get others who say... you never update.  Or better yet, others who say I love your writing.  Then I ask, did you read my blog and they say yes.  And I say did you leave a comment?  Nope.  So, I get no positive reinforcement.  UNLESS you leave a comment.  When you leave a comment, good or bad, at least I know you know my thoughts.  Even if you are a smart ass... and leave the word "comment."  (I am looking at you Amanda!)  Do that, if you can't think of anything better to say. 

Either way, I know that writing is good for my soul.  It's what I like to do.  So, I know I should continue it.  Before I ditch the blog, I am making a last minute ditch effort by supplying my blog address one more time in our annual Christmas card.  It's sneaky, let me tell you.  And if forgetting is your excuse, did you know you can follow by email?  Located on the right side of the page is a FOLLOW BY EMAIL prompt.  Simply put your email in and you will receive an email if you wish each time I post something. 

So, take it or leave it. 

Happy 20th Birthday!

Today was my church's birthday.  Westridge Community Church turned 20 years old.

The founding Pastor was only 30 when he decided he wanted to start a church.  I have wanted to start a business.  Save animals.  Write books.  Run the show at weddings.  But start a church?  I couldn't imagine doing that now or ever.  Too much politics in it.  Religion?  That's a touchy subject.  

Religion fires up people more than most things.  Beliefs in one's own faith and that one's own faith is the best.. well some die for it, some kill for it.  I can't stand behind that.  I can't stand behind hurting someone else physically or emotionally, and I don't see how that could ever be right by any God.  However, if you practice your beliefs and I practice mine, peacefully, you are A-OK in my book.  This post is not about that though.  It's about my church.  My denominational, Jesus loving, full of real people, with real problems, who have made real mistakes church.  The fact that Darren had some sort of epiphany 20 years ago about opening a place of worship where it's motto is... Never Church as Usual... is something I admire.

I started going shortly after I moved back home from Orlando on the premise that it was walking distance from my house, and there was a coffee shop attached to it.  The first service was really crazy to me, and nothing like the Catholic service I was used too.  I sipped my coffee, and I took it all in.  Someone from the welcome crew saw me, and approached me with over board friendliness.  And then as the lights came on, quickly swept in to have me meet Pastor Darren.  I was so embarrassed and nervous... did I really look that out of place that I just couldn't blend in?  Darren was pretty laid back, and nice... said hello, and just told me if I ever had any questions to ask.  Ummm, ok.  I wasn't expecting the whole interaction to be so quick and easy.  It's all I really remember.  Since then...I never stopped going.  Sure, I miss Sundays there.  But I call Westridge my church home and probably will for sometime.

Since then...
Adam has started going to church.  Never having found a true connection to any faith, I just told him about the service when he asked.  I answered questions best I could.  When he didn't ask... I didn't get mad or hurt.  I let him find his way to going with me.

Since then...
My friends and family have tagged along for a visit.  Some have found it enlightening and as my own mom would say "your church is fun!"  And some, it's just not for them.

Since then...
I have laughed out loud in church.  I have had many cups of coffee.  I have sat last row and front row.  I have worn my favorite sport team t-shirts.  I have sang Silent Night, holding a lit candle on Christmas Eve.  I have cried, tears of joy at some of the teachings, and tears of sadness at others.  I have grieved.  I have asked for prayer from the church community.  I have never questioned giving any money or donations of school supplies, food, and clothing that they have asked for because I know it's all going to a place where it is needed.  I have watched people choose to be baptized and I have watched people open up with their own struggles. 

Since then...
I promised in front of my immediate and church family to raise my son to know Jesus.  One of the hardest parts with that is the feeling that I feel like I know nothing about teaching him that, when in reality I will learn right along side him, as he develops his own personal relationship.

Since then...
I just overall feel very happy after returning home.  I am never disappointed and always in awe of what's to come or what the church does for our community.  Darren really got it right.  Never church as usual.  A safe place.  An authentic place.  A grace filled place.  A place that preaches unfiltered truth of the Bible.

Happy 20th Birthday Westridge!

Archer's Birth Story

4 months ago... my life REALLY changed.  
When I found out I was pregnant... I thought my life changed then.  No more sandwiches because they tell me lunchmeat can have listeria in it... no more night caps of wine and beer, for obvious reasons... had to cut out that smoking habit... just kidding.  I really can't complain, for the most part I had a pretty normal pregnancy... it wasn't till Octoberish where things changed.  And not to be all whoa is me, things could have been worse, but I type this descriptive post for my benefit and recollection of how things went.  

At the end of October I went for a prenatal visit to my doctor where I had complained about itching in my legs.  I told her that it mostly happened after my legs swelled at the end of the day.  We attributed it to that.  She then stated, "well as long as your palms are not itching we are good."  I then told her, my palms were in fact itching a lot.  I had thought it was due to the change in weather, and the fact I work in a hospital and wash my hands more often than the average bear.  She was alarmed by this info and ordered stat blood work to check my liver.  She then told Adam and I about cholestasis.  

Bottom line was if I was to have cholestasis... risk for stillborn birth was their biggest concern.  Gee, that's just what parents want to hear.

A few days later... she called with labs and they all appeared normal.  And I thought ok.. great, time to move on.  

At this time, I was now on weekly visits to the doctor and the next week I went she asked me about the itching and I said that it was still an issue.  Then and there she said... "well... I know you don't want to hear this but we need to act as if you have it and move forward with plans of delivering early EVEN THOUGH your labs are normal."  She added "how can we not when stillborn birth is a factor?"  I looked back at her in total agreement.  She called a high risk physician for a second opinion, as I waited in the treatment room.  And it turns out that not only did he agree with her about delivering early... he wanted to do it even earlier at 36 weeks.  So they moved up my ultrasound to check once and for all if I would be induced for vaginal birth or have a c-section.  Another issue I had been having throughout the pregnancy was a low lying placenta.  It was already put in my mind that if it had not moved I would be having a c-section.  They had been monitoring that since the beginning telling me it usually moves and I should be good to go.  Fetal stress tests were ordered weekly making sure his movements were as strong as they would like them to be. They re-drew my labs, and while they were still in the normal range they were starting to elevate. They also started me on a medication to help with itching and prevent gall stones.  Not to mention, I got two injections 24 hours apart to speed up his lung growth and prepare him for life outside.

In the end, I was scheduled for a c-section.  We were able to choose the date but decided they choose for us.   And so, 12/1/16 would be our baby's birthday, unless he came early.  We had one week to hustle and finish last minute baby things around the house, wrap up work, and just enjoy life without a baby for seven more days.  Family and friends were notified and the prayers came in for a healthy delivery.  

12.1.16-  We were due to be at the hospital at 5:30am for a 7:30 c-section.  We got to the hospital checked in as if we were checking into a hotel... with a promised souvenir of a baby boy to come.  I was given a gown and I was then officially a patient.  The first time I was ever admitted to a hospital.  I made a silent prayer to God in the bathroom, and chose to put all my faith in Him, and in my healthcare team because that's all you can do in times like these.  Working in healthcare I see the best and I see the worst.  And I just had to have trust that my healthcare team would take care of me and my baby.  I opened the door and had to be worry free from that point on.  I laid in a hospital bed for the first time.  I keep saying this because it's humbling when tables turn and you're the patient and no one really cares that you are a nurse too.  Oddly enough, the nurse who admitted me, started my IV, and asked all the questions was a Filipino woman named Allen.  COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.  Like, I kept looking at her ID badge, then looking at Adam, urging him with my eyes to look too because it was hard to catch everyone's name.  Geez.... of all names, and for a women to be named Allen.... my dad gave me a sign he was there too.  That's what that meant.  Once all of the hurry up part was done, then came the waiting part.  One by one, more parts of the team were assembled.  They made me drink something terrible that tasted like sweet tarts that supposedly helped with stomach acid, nausea meds were given, and my antibiotic was spiked and ready to go.  I met my nurse who would be with me throughout the surgery, I met the nurse that would be solely dedicated to Baby J, I met the CRNA who was in charge of my anesthesia.  I always said... I would choose a CRNA over an anesthesiologist any day if it ever came to my health care.  Once presented with this, I found that I was still 100% behind this, however I did ask... is there an anesthesiologist around?  She laughed and said "yes."  Finally, Dr. Flynn arrived.  And it was go time.  They asked me to get up and walk to the OR.  And so I did... At this point, Adam was in paper scrubs, and they held him back while they prepped me.  We kissed, and I was off.  Another slew of people waited for me in the OR... all telling me their names.  I climbed up on the table, and I was cold.  Very cold.  Like so cold my teeth were chattering.  And my body was shaking.  I had to stay hunched over my pregnant belly hugging a pillow best I could while the CRNA inserted the spinal.  I really had to focus to stay still.  Once it was in, the crew helped me to lay down, I tried my best to wiggle my legs, with a no go.  Like I really willed myself to lift up my legs, but it wasn't happening.  I watched them put the foley catheter in and wanted to hate every moment, but I couldn't feel any pain, just a pinch of pressure.  The drape then went up.  And my view of everything and everyone was gone.  I thought there would be a lot of space between me and the drape, but it was only a couple inches from my face.  Just breathing on it made it move.  My arms were spread out and just seeing the eyes over the mask of my CRNA was keeping me calm at that point.  (nurses are so damn important!)  They seemed ready to go.  Adam came in.  The doctor checked a few locations asking if I felt anything... I said no... and that was that.  It was really go time.  I walked into the room at 730am.  At 745am, my baby boy was born.  While I couldn't see a darn thing but Adam's face and the CRNA's face, it was what I could hear that was memorable.  I heard the clanging of tools.  I heard them all talking.  My doctor and another doctor from the practice who was like her wing man were talking about weekend plans.  I was very nauseated.  The entire time.  And the CRNA put an alcohol swab in front of my nose which helped... when she thought it was safe to take it away... I begged for it back again.  Then all of a sudden which no one warned me about they started pushing on my abdomen, hard and fast, and the pain I felt at that point was crazy!!!! I am so glad no one told me that was coming.  As they were pushing they explained that I am so petite that they had nowhere else to push but directly on the baby to shimmy him out thru the hole they made.  It felt inhumane what they were doing, but it makes sense, baby isn't just gonna drop out of there.  Once he was out, there was no initial crying.  But I saw Adam look up and over the drape and just go.... "awwwwwww."  He saw our son.  The entire room of people clapped and cheered, they announced it was 7:45am.  I asked if he was ok.  Adam didn't say anything... and then baby J started crying which was all I needed to hear... They held him over the drape so I could see him.  He looked a tad blue and slimy and I just smiled, and at this moment he opened his mouth and a bucket full of amniotic fluid flowed out of his mouth right onto my face.  HI MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I instantly started laughing.  I could not believe that that happened.  Adam left me and went to baby.  I couldn't tell you what was happening besides what they told me afterward... they were suctioning him and helping him to breathe.  His APGAR score was low, but not shocking since he came early.  They moved him into recovery with his nurse and with Adam while they began the process of stitching me up.  It was completely and utterly the most out of body experience I have ever been through.  Once they were done with me... the team helped me move on to the gurnee and off I went to join my son.  I was still shivering head to toe... so they worked hard to warm me up with a bear hugger and blankets.  Finally, both me and baby were ready to officially meet.  They put his naked little body on my naked chest and that was all the warmth I needed.  It was so nice to be able to have that skin to skin contact with something that just 1 hour ago was safe and sound inside me.  

Adam and I kept telling people that we were waiting to reveal his name because we wanted to take a look at him first... but I think we were pretty set on it.  So on December 1st, 2016 at 7:45am at 6lbs 10oz, and 20 inches long... Archer Allen came into our world.  Archer, because we liked it... Allen, after his Grandpa.