i write when i trout fish

It's no joke that I have been a total slacker in writing in my blog for a couple reasons.  One.  I am a mother now, of a boy who is on the run.  A boy who didn't believe in napping for nearly a year leaving me no time.  And a boy that once he sees any kind of electronic, he's on it wanting to push the buttons.  Two.  I write this blog for people to read it.  And they just don't.  There is very few who read it really- - 9 to be exact.  People forget the web address, they forget I even write a blog sometimes, which makes me think, hey, you don't want to read it... that's cool.  But then, I get others who say... you never update.  Or better yet, others who say I love your writing.  Then I ask, did you read my blog and they say yes.  And I say did you leave a comment?  Nope.  So, I get no positive reinforcement.  UNLESS you leave a comment.  When you leave a comment, good or bad, at least I know you know my thoughts.  Even if you are a smart ass... and leave the word "comment."  (I am looking at you Amanda!)  Do that, if you can't think of anything better to say. 

Either way, I know that writing is good for my soul.  It's what I like to do.  So, I know I should continue it.  Before I ditch the blog, I am making a last minute ditch effort by supplying my blog address one more time in our annual Christmas card.  It's sneaky, let me tell you.  And if forgetting is your excuse, did you know you can follow by email?  Located on the right side of the page is a FOLLOW BY EMAIL prompt.  Simply put your email in and you will receive an email if you wish each time I post something. 

So, take it or leave it. 

Happy 20th Birthday!

Today was my church's birthday.  Westridge Community Church turned 20 years old.

The founding Pastor was only 30 when he decided he wanted to start a church.  I have wanted to start a business.  Save animals.  Write books.  Run the show at weddings.  But start a church?  I couldn't imagine doing that now or ever.  Too much politics in it.  Religion?  That's a touchy subject.  

Religion fires up people more than most things.  Beliefs in one's own faith and that one's own faith is the best.. well some die for it, some kill for it.  I can't stand behind that.  I can't stand behind hurting someone else physically or emotionally, and I don't see how that could ever be right by any God.  However, if you practice your beliefs and I practice mine, peacefully, you are A-OK in my book.  This post is not about that though.  It's about my church.  My denominational, Jesus loving, full of real people, with real problems, who have made real mistakes church.  The fact that Darren had some sort of epiphany 20 years ago about opening a place of worship where it's motto is... Never Church as Usual... is something I admire.

I started going shortly after I moved back home from Orlando on the premise that it was walking distance from my house, and there was a coffee shop attached to it.  The first service was really crazy to me, and nothing like the Catholic service I was used too.  I sipped my coffee, and I took it all in.  Someone from the welcome crew saw me, and approached me with over board friendliness.  And then as the lights came on, quickly swept in to have me meet Pastor Darren.  I was so embarrassed and nervous... did I really look that out of place that I just couldn't blend in?  Darren was pretty laid back, and nice... said hello, and just told me if I ever had any questions to ask.  Ummm, ok.  I wasn't expecting the whole interaction to be so quick and easy.  It's all I really remember.  Since then...I never stopped going.  Sure, I miss Sundays there.  But I call Westridge my church home and probably will for sometime.

Since then...
Adam has started going to church.  Never having found a true connection to any faith, I just told him about the service when he asked.  I answered questions best I could.  When he didn't ask... I didn't get mad or hurt.  I let him find his way to going with me.

Since then...
My friends and family have tagged along for a visit.  Some have found it enlightening and as my own mom would say "your church is fun!"  And some, it's just not for them.

Since then...
I have laughed out loud in church.  I have had many cups of coffee.  I have sat last row and front row.  I have worn my favorite sport team t-shirts.  I have sang Silent Night, holding a lit candle on Christmas Eve.  I have cried, tears of joy at some of the teachings, and tears of sadness at others.  I have grieved.  I have asked for prayer from the church community.  I have never questioned giving any money or donations of school supplies, food, and clothing that they have asked for because I know it's all going to a place where it is needed.  I have watched people choose to be baptized and I have watched people open up with their own struggles. 

Since then...
I promised in front of my immediate and church family to raise my son to know Jesus.  One of the hardest parts with that is the feeling that I feel like I know nothing about teaching him that, when in reality I will learn right along side him, as he develops his own personal relationship.

Since then...
I just overall feel very happy after returning home.  I am never disappointed and always in awe of what's to come or what the church does for our community.  Darren really got it right.  Never church as usual.  A safe place.  An authentic place.  A grace filled place.  A place that preaches unfiltered truth of the Bible.

Happy 20th Birthday Westridge!

Archer's Birth Story

4 months ago... my life REALLY changed.  
When I found out I was pregnant... I thought my life changed then.  No more sandwiches because they tell me lunchmeat can have listeria in it... no more night caps of wine and beer, for obvious reasons... had to cut out that smoking habit... just kidding.  I really can't complain, for the most part I had a pretty normal pregnancy... it wasn't till Octoberish where things changed.  And not to be all whoa is me, things could have been worse, but I type this descriptive post for my benefit and recollection of how things went.  

At the end of October I went for a prenatal visit to my doctor where I had complained about itching in my legs.  I told her that it mostly happened after my legs swelled at the end of the day.  We attributed it to that.  She then stated, "well as long as your palms are not itching we are good."  I then told her, my palms were in fact itching a lot.  I had thought it was due to the change in weather, and the fact I work in a hospital and wash my hands more often than the average bear.  She was alarmed by this info and ordered stat blood work to check my liver.  She then told Adam and I about cholestasis.  

Bottom line was if I was to have cholestasis... risk for stillborn birth was their biggest concern.  Gee, that's just what parents want to hear.

A few days later... she called with labs and they all appeared normal.  And I thought ok.. great, time to move on.  

At this time, I was now on weekly visits to the doctor and the next week I went she asked me about the itching and I said that it was still an issue.  Then and there she said... "well... I know you don't want to hear this but we need to act as if you have it and move forward with plans of delivering early EVEN THOUGH your labs are normal."  She added "how can we not when stillborn birth is a factor?"  I looked back at her in total agreement.  She called a high risk physician for a second opinion, as I waited in the treatment room.  And it turns out that not only did he agree with her about delivering early... he wanted to do it even earlier at 36 weeks.  So they moved up my ultrasound to check once and for all if I would be induced for vaginal birth or have a c-section.  Another issue I had been having throughout the pregnancy was a low lying placenta.  It was already put in my mind that if it had not moved I would be having a c-section.  They had been monitoring that since the beginning telling me it usually moves and I should be good to go.  Fetal stress tests were ordered weekly making sure his movements were as strong as they would like them to be. They re-drew my labs, and while they were still in the normal range they were starting to elevate. They also started me on a medication to help with itching and prevent gall stones.  Not to mention, I got two injections 24 hours apart to speed up his lung growth and prepare him for life outside.

In the end, I was scheduled for a c-section.  We were able to choose the date but decided they choose for us.   And so, 12/1/16 would be our baby's birthday, unless he came early.  We had one week to hustle and finish last minute baby things around the house, wrap up work, and just enjoy life without a baby for seven more days.  Family and friends were notified and the prayers came in for a healthy delivery.  

12.1.16-  We were due to be at the hospital at 5:30am for a 7:30 c-section.  We got to the hospital checked in as if we were checking into a hotel... with a promised souvenir of a baby boy to come.  I was given a gown and I was then officially a patient.  The first time I was ever admitted to a hospital.  I made a silent prayer to God in the bathroom, and chose to put all my faith in Him, and in my healthcare team because that's all you can do in times like these.  Working in healthcare I see the best and I see the worst.  And I just had to have trust that my healthcare team would take care of me and my baby.  I opened the door and had to be worry free from that point on.  I laid in a hospital bed for the first time.  I keep saying this because it's humbling when tables turn and you're the patient and no one really cares that you are a nurse too.  Oddly enough, the nurse who admitted me, started my IV, and asked all the questions was a Filipino woman named Allen.  COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.  Like, I kept looking at her ID badge, then looking at Adam, urging him with my eyes to look too because it was hard to catch everyone's name.  Geez.... of all names, and for a women to be named Allen.... my dad gave me a sign he was there too.  That's what that meant.  Once all of the hurry up part was done, then came the waiting part.  One by one, more parts of the team were assembled.  They made me drink something terrible that tasted like sweet tarts that supposedly helped with stomach acid, nausea meds were given, and my antibiotic was spiked and ready to go.  I met my nurse who would be with me throughout the surgery, I met the nurse that would be solely dedicated to Baby J, I met the CRNA who was in charge of my anesthesia.  I always said... I would choose a CRNA over an anesthesiologist any day if it ever came to my health care.  Once presented with this, I found that I was still 100% behind this, however I did ask... is there an anesthesiologist around?  She laughed and said "yes."  Finally, Dr. Flynn arrived.  And it was go time.  They asked me to get up and walk to the OR.  And so I did... At this point, Adam was in paper scrubs, and they held him back while they prepped me.  We kissed, and I was off.  Another slew of people waited for me in the OR... all telling me their names.  I climbed up on the table, and I was cold.  Very cold.  Like so cold my teeth were chattering.  And my body was shaking.  I had to stay hunched over my pregnant belly hugging a pillow best I could while the CRNA inserted the spinal.  I really had to focus to stay still.  Once it was in, the crew helped me to lay down, I tried my best to wiggle my legs, with a no go.  Like I really willed myself to lift up my legs, but it wasn't happening.  I watched them put the foley catheter in and wanted to hate every moment, but I couldn't feel any pain, just a pinch of pressure.  The drape then went up.  And my view of everything and everyone was gone.  I thought there would be a lot of space between me and the drape, but it was only a couple inches from my face.  Just breathing on it made it move.  My arms were spread out and just seeing the eyes over the mask of my CRNA was keeping me calm at that point.  (nurses are so damn important!)  They seemed ready to go.  Adam came in.  The doctor checked a few locations asking if I felt anything... I said no... and that was that.  It was really go time.  I walked into the room at 730am.  At 745am, my baby boy was born.  While I couldn't see a darn thing but Adam's face and the CRNA's face, it was what I could hear that was memorable.  I heard the clanging of tools.  I heard them all talking.  My doctor and another doctor from the practice who was like her wing man were talking about weekend plans.  I was very nauseated.  The entire time.  And the CRNA put an alcohol swab in front of my nose which helped... when she thought it was safe to take it away... I begged for it back again.  Then all of a sudden which no one warned me about they started pushing on my abdomen, hard and fast, and the pain I felt at that point was crazy!!!! I am so glad no one told me that was coming.  As they were pushing they explained that I am so petite that they had nowhere else to push but directly on the baby to shimmy him out thru the hole they made.  It felt inhumane what they were doing, but it makes sense, baby isn't just gonna drop out of there.  Once he was out, there was no initial crying.  But I saw Adam look up and over the drape and just go.... "awwwwwww."  He saw our son.  The entire room of people clapped and cheered, they announced it was 7:45am.  I asked if he was ok.  Adam didn't say anything... and then baby J started crying which was all I needed to hear... They held him over the drape so I could see him.  He looked a tad blue and slimy and I just smiled, and at this moment he opened his mouth and a bucket full of amniotic fluid flowed out of his mouth right onto my face.  HI MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I instantly started laughing.  I could not believe that that happened.  Adam left me and went to baby.  I couldn't tell you what was happening besides what they told me afterward... they were suctioning him and helping him to breathe.  His APGAR score was low, but not shocking since he came early.  They moved him into recovery with his nurse and with Adam while they began the process of stitching me up.  It was completely and utterly the most out of body experience I have ever been through.  Once they were done with me... the team helped me move on to the gurnee and off I went to join my son.  I was still shivering head to toe... so they worked hard to warm me up with a bear hugger and blankets.  Finally, both me and baby were ready to officially meet.  They put his naked little body on my naked chest and that was all the warmth I needed.  It was so nice to be able to have that skin to skin contact with something that just 1 hour ago was safe and sound inside me.  

Adam and I kept telling people that we were waiting to reveal his name because we wanted to take a look at him first... but I think we were pretty set on it.  So on December 1st, 2016 at 7:45am at 6lbs 10oz, and 20 inches long... Archer Allen came into our world.  Archer, because we liked it... Allen, after his Grandpa.

Baby J's Shower

October 9th, we celebrated our little guy at our baby shower given by Rachael and Camille.  It was held at Adam and I's church.  After inviting 97 people total... with kids, infants, and all out of towners... I would say there were about 50-60 who came.  It was a beautiful day to honor our son, (so weird to say this.) 

Everyone was so generous in gift giving, it was quite overwhelming.  The presents were numerous and I did my best to keep up with opening them.  Thank God, for Adam helping and Coraline too.  I know that baby showers aren't the  most entertaining thing, but I was really glad to have everyone there and equally as excited as we are for this little boy to join our family.

Adam and helpers were able to squeeze every last gift into Kona.  I was impressed.

And it just occurred to me that I never did post our announcement on "it" being a boy... so here's that.

Baby J

Come December, Adam and I will have a new leader of our club... our BABY!  It's crazy!!  Crazy to know there is a living, heart beating, breathing little fetus in my body.  It's crazy to watch my body slowly change shapes.  I am woman, hear me roar.  I never looked so... so... female?   It's been crazy to share the news with everyone, some reveals didn't work out the way I had wanted them too, but overall everyone seems to be excited... a lot of people had seemingly given up on the thought or idea of children in our future... so to see some surprised faces was fun.  It's funny to hear things like "I thought you didn't like kids." or "Are you sure you are pregnant?" "I didn't know you were trying." or "It's about time."  As if you can choose when a life will be started within you.  People say the darndest things, and think they should be privy to decisions we have made and hardships we have endured.  And in pregnancy, it still rings true.

The funniest thing that someone has said to me...  "You'll be a wonderful, and a bit wacky, mommy."  I couldn't be more pleased with this statement.  While a lot of my ideas and thoughts are unconventional about all things in life... and you may roll your eyes or shake your head at what I think or what I do or what I get mad about or what I love.  I can't change a thing about it.  And I have never quite cared.  People who accept it have stayed, and I have lost a few to my wackiness.   I am certainly going to try my best to give this baby a great life in a world full of maddness.  And to do what I think is right.  I will accept advice... but I will not feel bad if I choose not to follow it.  I will try to lead by example.  I will understand that everyone does it differently.  I will have a few things on my registry that are mostly for me and not baby.  I look forward to all the unknown ways a baby will change your life and your heart about things, things you didn't even know it would.  But in the end it's super scary to think about a future with baby.  I don't want to mess him or her up too bad. 

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." -unknown.

Boston

One of my bucket list wishes for many years has been to go to Boston.  Why?  I have no idea.  I just feel like it's a smart, educational city, with smart people walking around with books in their hands.  I imagine dressing in white shorts, and a navy blue and white striped shirt to go sailing.  I imagined a lot of seafood.  Good, fresh seafood.  I imagined a baseball game, a game I understand and makes sense to me, in one of the oldest stadiums around.

While in Boston, I learned that we were going to have friends there from Orlando!  So we met up with Amie (Adam and I's old boss from Splash Mountain!) and her fam along the Freedom Trail, right in front of Paul Revere here.

Here ya got some clam chowda and a lobsta roll... nevermind the fact Adam dropped this lobsta roll walking it to our table... our 22 dollar lobsta roll mind you... but don't worry... the good people of James Hook and Company replaced it, telling me "the next one is on you!"

The seafood was quite abundant and here is a amazing platter for two.  I did not eat this all myself.  Next time I am visiting to Boston, I am staying in the North end, and never leaving it...Little Italy.

The place to go was Mike's Pastry... however we heard from the locals that Modern Pastry beats Mike's Pastry hands down.  We tried them both and we agree.  

It was a hot one at Fenway... and the Red Sox won!!!  Fenway is no Wrigley, but I still felt super privileged to be there.  

Bean Town was very good to us... next stop.... Seattle???

Hawaii

We had a planned trip to Mexico at the end of May and were looking forward to it.  I found out that I was pregnant at the end of April... called to make that first appointment with the doctor... mentioned that I had a scheduled trip south of the border, and doctor strictly forbid, 100% no'd, and put the kibosh on me going due to the threat of Zika virus.  Naturally, I looked up cases found of Zika in Hawaii... and BOOM... with a few fees here and there, and not much headache,,, we were going to HAWAII!!!!!!!!  It's good to be young, and childless (at least for the moment!)

We spent 4 nights in Maui and 3 nights in Oahu.  It was really a wonderful time and I can finally see what all the buzz is about.  It's just beautiful there and there is so much to do... that even a month wouldn't be enough to visit all the islands and really enjoy it all.  One of our highlights was reconnecting with an old friend, Beth, who Adam met in Washington D.C.  Beth is now a Maui resident and was able to show us all the ins and outs and local spots.

We celebrated 7 years of marriage on Memorial Day in Hawaii.  Starting the day at 2:45 am leaving our hotel to make it for sunrise at the top of Haleakala.  It was worth the early start and was so amazing to see.

After which we headed back to the bottom, stopped for food, and then back to the hotel to lounge the rest of the day at the pool and beach.

Our anniversary ended at The Feast of Lele Luau.  It rained some of the time, but it provided this excellent very real rainbow in the background of this photo.

The next day we ended up snorkeling.  It was either that or do the Road to Hana.   Weather conditions were just rainy.  And I was nauseated basically the whole trip.  So it didn't make sense to be driving on a 2 lane windy, curvy road all day, where we were told had 600 turns.  We opted to snorkel.  I was a little worried with the bad weather, and bobbing of the boat.  But what really did me in with the "sickness" was the smell of the bathrooms.  That mix of mold and bleach to cover the mold was horrible.  After jumping in and exploring a bit, I finally saw 2 sea turtles.  They were magnificent and so gentle and graceful, it was worth the trip.  After that, I quickly got back on the boat and watched Adam snorkel around.  

We flew back to Honolulu... and drove around one day.  The coast line in North Beach is just amazing, and clearly you can see the weather was amazing.

After a beach day, we met up with my friend Shamim who I worked with at SAMC and just so turns out she had been living in Oahu for exactly a year that day.  We also met up with Vicki and her little lady Frances.  All together we enjoyed dinner at Dukes, with a great view of Diamond Head in the back.

  

   

Vicki met us again the next night and we ate at our hotel in this fancy Italian restaurant.  So I got to see her 2 nights in a row!

     

Hawaii really was a dream... and worth every penny we spent.  I would love to go back.  There was really not much not to love... except my 6 dollar cup of coffee... but even then... I can't wait to return.