Top 10

Instead of writing an entire recap of our Euro Trip 2014, I decided to narrow it down to
10 most memorable experiences in no particular order.

Anne Frank House

We waited about an hour to get our tickets which was not bad.  It was actually great.  All the tour books said to buy them ahead or to get there first thing in the morning, neither of which we did because "what's so great about walking thru a girl's house," says Adam.  "Adam,  have you read the diary, do you know "this girls" story?" says Erica.  "No," says Adam....  Oh jeez.  Well he learned it and learned it quick.  I think the both of us were so unprepared for how we would feel walking thru the annex.  It was crazy to walk the exact foot steps that Anne and her family walked.  The staircase up was steep and narrow and made you feel a tad claustrophobic and uneasy, as it should.  There were still photographs on the wall in Anne's room.  I read every plaque and every word that there was to read as well as watched every short video clip they had.  The emotions you feel being there are quite overwhelming because you imagine yourself in that situation.  Hiding out, the fear, the quietness, for yourself and your family.  And then when you get to the extra horrible part where the SS was tipped off and they were found, it makes you literally want to hurl.  Imagining how they must of felt, the fate they must have known, the minute the SS found them sickens me.  If you don't know this story, you should.  You should read her beautifully written words, the words of a young girl.

What was even stranger is how life goes on and people are just walking by this house day in and day out.  It's hard to wrap your mind around the fact that this even happened.  If she were alive today Anne would be 85 years old. 

"Despite everything, I believe people are really good at heart"

Red Light District

I have never in my life seen anything like this.  Because you know, I spend lots of time in strip bars, and know loads about prostitution and drugs,  I have so much to compare the Red Light District too.  Adam was a little hesitant on visiting this very famous area of the city.  Not me though, "we are going!  We are here."  So let me set the scene... it's a long street, full of bars, and live shows where very vulgar things go on  once you enter the doors.  We did not enter the doors.  There are bachelor parties going on all over, or "I am turning 40 parties," or however and whatever the guys choose to celebrate.  We went there rather early, it wasn't even totally dark yet, and people were already drunk and peeing in the streets.  I think I was shocked more by this than the fact that mostly naked women were showcasing themselves in window stalls, showing off what they got, in hopes of someone being interested.  It was crazy.  I took some pictures, not of them but of some signage to show that we actually went.  One of the ladies shook her finger at me to say no photos.  So only a few did I get.  I was somewhat fascinated by the whole premise of the Red Light District, reading up on it a little.  They even had a museum where you can go in to ask questions, anything you want, about how the whole system works, basically because the Dutch want you to know that this actually decreases the amount of people placed in jail due to less crime, less rape, and the fact that soft drugs are legal.  Use them responsibly and there is really not as many repercussions.  These ladies actually pay taxes to the Dutch government, and rent their windows (200E/night).  They usually charge around 50E a dude and that's for 15 minutes of their time.  They are checked for HIV and STDs on a monthly basis, and require said dude to wear a condom.  So they have to "get with" four people and everything over is their profit.  It's baffling and totally legal in every way.  I can't imagine living this life, but people do here.  

Castles Tour

We purchased a package deal  thru our hotel; a day of sightseeing King Ludwig's Castles.  I had been heeing and hawing about how we were going to get to Fussen.  Originally the plan was to go high speed train, then bus.  But we weren't brave enough.  And sometimes avoiding stressful situations is best especially when it didn't really cost more to do the hotel option, of a guide who takes us by coach bus to Fussen and basically hands us a ticket and says walk that way.  The first stop was an old German town that we got to roam around for an hour.  These trips always involve stopping somewhere that is out of the way and has nothing to do with what we signed up for, so that "us tourists" can spend a little money, boosting their economy.  We have learned that and choose to embrace it as a way to see another area that life exists.  We spent little time in the shops and more walking around... seeing things like mountains, cows, and a group of guys throwing back tall ones at 10am, the German way.  

After that stop we were off to King Ludwig's first castle, Linderhof.  It was fascinating seeing the way he lived.  But honestly, seeing the outside, and the Bavarian landscape is what really blew us away.  It was beautiful.  Back in the bus, and on to the prized castle, Neuschwanstein was the best part, because that what everyone wants to see.  It is nicknamed the Disney castle, because it's what Walt modeled his theme park castle after.  We had time to get lunch, which Adam and I scarfed down,  so that we can climb up to the top of the hill and make our way to the bridge, so that we can see Schloss Neuschwanstein from afar.  We then had to come back to enter and tour this amazing "home."  Again, the sites out the windows were amazing and so beautiful.  Inside it was cold and drab and really not much to see based on the size.  King Ludwig died before it was complete, and they just never added to it.  The only thing I wished for was more time in the town of Fussen, it was so cute and quaint.  But there is always pros and cons to what you choose to do and we were on their schedule not ours, so we had to go back to Munich.

Dachou

One downer of this trip, but absolute must, was visiting Dachou Concentration Camp.  It was cold and drizzly the entire time, which fit the mood.  I have noticed that when you go to tell people about your vacation to Germany and you say you went to a concentration camp, they kind of look at you like, why... you are on vacation.  That's a downer.  And they really don't want to hear about it, and because you went and you understand a little more than you did in high school history class, you want to tell about it.  We didn't go because we thought it would be fun.  We went more to be educated at what those people actually went thru for no reason at all except for that they were Jewish, or they were non-Jews who tried to stand up and say, "this is not right."  Basically everywhere you walk in Germany, were probably grounds for these camps.  So you can't just go there and enjoy the beer, you have to realize it's not a happy place for lots of people.

These people entered this work camp in hopes of coming out of it one day... the SS literally striped their identities away, literally and figuratively... they were no longer mothers or fathers, sons or daughters... they were naked bodies, replaced by pajama looking clothes with a number on them.  As you walk the path of a prisoner, you were just overcome with emotion.  We were part of a small tour group where our tour guide brought us there and explained everything to us.  It was hard to listen too and hard to comprehend the hate the Nazis felt.  How people could do things of this nature to another human being is just so twisted and sick.  One part that sticks in my head is the human experimentation that they did... throwing people into ice cold water, and then scolding hot water, just to see what would happen... putting them in the part of a truck that mixes concrete to see how much flipping around a human could do before they are killed... making them stand in straight lines outside shoulder to shoulder in rain, sleet, snow, and heat with no slouching... if they fall or step out of line, shooting them dead.  If the person next to them bends down to help them after they fall from exhaustion, hunger, or dehydration, both of them getting shot.  How did the Nazi's think that this was okay and that they were better than everyone else?  Standing where these people stood, knowing they were people just like you, thinking about your family being in that situation was heartbreaking.  The tour included a walk thru the crematorium, and that pretty much was the final straw for me.  Where you see the sign that says "showers" brought instant tears.  I did not take many pictures there for obvious reasons.  I didn't need too, it all remains engraved in my memory.  Not a day has passed since that I haven't thought about Dachou.  And that was just one of the thousand camps spread through out Germany.  Dachou being the camp the others strived to be.  Right beyond the crematorium are homes where people actually live now, there backyard is the concentration camp.  It's shocking.

Playground in Switzerland

On our way down from Mount Pilatus we got off the gondola and discovered a huge park.  This park was the most amazing children's playground.  It was completely wooden, with metal slides.  A park of our childhood, a park that just doesn't exist in America anymore.  This is a park where you would burn your butt on the metal slide if it got too hot, you could actually break an arm from going too fast on some of the attractions, or you could fall from the heights.  It had an actual see-saw.  I have never been on one, and it has been a wish of mine.  We were not leaving until I got a few sees and saws out of that thing.  Quite popular among the Swiss children, I had to wait a long time for my turn!   In the middle of all the commotion of kids playing, there was an open fire pit, where some of the mom's were roasting hot dogs.  It was insane, and oh, so cool.  We noted all the times we heard, "mmooooommmmmmyyy," among the crowd.  They were there to kiss bumps, sort out the fights, push the swings, catch the little ones at the bottom of the slide, and sit and chat with each other.  All the while we are halfway up a mountain in the Swiss Alps.  It was a moment I won't forget... and neither will Adam judging from his battle wound scar he has on his arm now.

Mount Pilatus

This is one of the activities I was most looking forward to on our entire trip.  Mostly because I have never been on a mountain before.  The closest  I have gotten was when my family lived in Tucson, AZ, but I chickened out and stayed home.  I was like 7.  What did I know of, in my opinion God's greatest pieces of artwork?  But heck, if you choose to go on a mountain, one in the Swiss Alps will do.  We started our voyage to the tip top of it by boat.  This took us thru Lake Lucerne which was a hour ride to the dock.  Here we then took a cog wheel train up the mountain.  I was scared and nervous to do this until I saw it.  In my mind, I thought a dwarf like man was going to be operating it and he would be turning the wheels by hand or something and I would be strapped in with 4 point restraints or something.  Not the case at all.  It was a very comfortable, airy ride up.  Steep ride up, I must say, after all it's the steepest cog train in all the world, but it manages to get a lot of people up in 30 minutes time.  Once we got to the top we got to explore a little.  Unfortunately, due to snow, the trails were all closed, so we didn't have much to see or anywhere really to hike.  We climbed a little so that we could say we were at the very top.  There is a hotel on top and a visitors center.  The view was incredible.  After we were done taking it all in,we had lunch up there.  We then took the gondola down.  It made 2 stops which we got off to look around.  The first one seemed to be a stop where you could participate in a lot of outdoorsy kind of things.  Tobaggans, rollerblading, skate boarding and some other activities the Swiss rigged up.  The second stop was a restaurant that we wished we would have waited to eat at, and this wonderful park that I have written about as well in the top ten list.  It took 45 minutes to get down the mountain by gondola, which was a nice airy ride above the mountains and over the top of evergreen trees.  You can see herds of cows, and if you didn't see them, you heard their bells, a sound I will always associate with the Alps now.  Once off the gondola, we walked a little in Kriens and than took a bus back to Lucerne.  All in all, it was money well spent and totally unforgettable.

Old Swiss House

This was quite the experience and by far our most outrageously expensive meal in Europe.  Switzerland overall was quite expensive.  Our hotelier made our reservations.  The first question we asked was "look at us, should we dress better than this?"  And she said, Yes.  Ha.  We were in for a surprise.  Upon entering the restaurant we were greeted right at the door by the uptight owner lady.  She was dressed very nice, and looked Swiss.  I don't really know how to describe that but that's how I pictured a Swiss lady looking.  And of course, the whole restaurant looked Swiss too.  Lots of old artifacts on the wall, and the tables were dressed to perfection.  Adam and I sat down, and the plates in front of us were etched with Old Swiss House.  Aye... I don't know how to act in places where your voice needs to be low.  We started by ordering with the uptight looking Swiss lady our wine, and appetizer.  In America, an app can feed the whole table, in Europe it seems one app is for one person.  So when we ordered the cheese croquettes and the cheese croquettes only, the look she gave us was a if we just committed a sin.  She was a big bully, and that was the last we saw of her.  We then had a nice young Swiss server.  We felt pressure to get another appetizer, so Adam ordered cream of asparagus soup.  And we were quite satisfied.  We still shared appetizers, we didn't care.  The entree I ordered was schnitzel which they cook table side.  At first I was quite impressed until Adam pointed out that it's the exact way I make pork chops at home.  It really wasn't anything special, but made me feel special that I could see my food being cooked and smell the smell of bread crumbs turning brown in about 4 sticks of butter.  Just watching it made you feel like you might have a heart attack.  We definitely had to do a lot of walking following this meal.  Both of our meals were delicious, but if ever back in Lucerne I would not return.  It was a one time only experience.  We skipped on dessert and chose to eat chocolates that we bought earlier in the hotel room instead, made at a local chocolatier.  

Rotenburg

Take a dollhouse and bring it to life and that is Rotenburg ob der Tauber.  It is the best preserved medieval city in Germany.  We stayed there two nights and it was just right.  Driving in was completely crazy cause you have to go thru the city walls, and then drive down these tiny cobblestone roads.  We felt kind of funny doing that in our fancy rented SUV.  The first day we got there we walked the city walls where there were so many scenic views.  The rooftops of all the homes, the gardens, and the churches.  It's hard to believe that people live here.  Our favorite part however was the Nightwatchman Tour.  This guy gives a one hour tour of the town and explains it's history.  It is packed full of dry humor which I love and it certainly kept things interesting when we had to learn historical facts.
I loved the fact that we could walk this whole town.  It is the end of the Romantic Road, which I had plans for us to drive, but the weather was crap the second day, so we turned around and came back.  We ended up walking around some more, sampled some Franconian wines, and then it brightened up, so we found a park and just sunbathed.  

Lunch in Bruge

I booked a trip around Bruge for an entire day which was called the Triple Threat.  We got to eat Belgian chocolate, Belgian waffles, and drink Belgian beer.  The trip made a stop at a restaurant for lunch which happened to be one of the best parts of the day.  There was about 20 of us, and we all sat together.  Europe is full of communal seating.  So it's fun to sit with others especially from different countries.  There were people from Canada, UK, Austrailia, and US.  Most were older than us, which tends to happen, but we all were able to trade stories.  Most of the couples were avid travelers, so it was interesting trying to soak up all the knowledge from their past experiences so we could remember for our future experiences.  We also got into deep conversations with them about birth control, the use of marijuana, health care, identity theft, and what our individual countries are doing about it.  So here we are in Belgium, on vacation, and the same old topics of conversation are coming up.  People all over the world have the same worries that I do.  It was great to talk about it.  Of course, my husband was very vocal, causing some discussion about these things, and the group nicknamed him for the rest of tour, the "pothead."  I am so proud.  It was so fun though, placing all these different people together and yah, we got to eat waffles and chocolate and drink really good beer, but sitting with them was my absolute favorite.  We were all happy and on vacation and drinking beer which means we all became instant friends. 

Bike Rides

We did two bike rides.  The first was in Munich.  Doing a bike ride seriously is one of the best ways to see the city.  It gets you around fast without having to walk.  We had a ball on this one.  Our guides name was Jacob and he was so cool, if we lived there, we would force him to be our friend.  He took us around, and explained the history of some of the buildings and of the city.  But our favorite part was sitting in the English Garden at the Chinese Tower, doing what else but drinking a beer.  We got to sit and converse with the others on our tour and with Jacob and it was just so memorable.  Meanwhile in this huge beer garden others are laughing, children are playing on the playground, and everyone is just having a good time.  Again, these things frowned upon in the US, kids playing while mom and dad are drinking, was totally normal here.  After our beer, Jacob asked us all if we had to go to the bathroom.  I said no.  And we moved on.  Nearly 5 minutes after riding our bikes the beer nearly shot out of my stomach and went straight to my bladder causing an excruciating amount of pain.  Every bump was unbearable.  I sped up next to Jacob and left the others behind asking him if there was any kind of place I could pee in the next hour.  He shook his head no.  I thought I was going to die.  I was pretty sure I was going to pee myself.  I have put myself in this situation way too many times, I will never learn.  And always, always, always over beer.  I should have peed when he told me too, I should of, and I didn't, and I was paying highly for it.  For a good half hour I rode the bike focusing only on the fact of holding in my pee and I didn't enjoy anything else, which I am so mad at myself over.  My silent prayer for a bathroom was answered when we ran across a porta potty.  The heavens opened and Jesus shined down.... I hopped off that bike not even putting up the kick stand and was in the porta potty for what seemed like an eternity.  I opened the door triumphantly when I was done as the rest of group applauded.  And then 2 others went in.... Ha.  The other bike tour we did was in Amsterdam, which took us out of the busy city life, (where I had one close call with death) and into the Dutch countryside.  Riding your bike in Amsterdam is THE WAY... those people are serious.  My favorite was seeing what everyone does on a bike... some sit and talk on the phone, while eating an ice cream cone... others are lugging multiple children to the next destination.  They ride side by side and talk to each other... and very rarely do you see any sort of collision.  Our guide for this particular bike ride, switched out of his gym shoes and put clogs on for the ride, saying "they are more comfortable."  It was insane.  It was nice to get off the busy streets and into the countryside where Adam and I could also ride side by side, we did not dare do that in the city, in fact if you didn't pay attention and keep up, there was no way of the guide to know.  This tour included a tour thru a cheese farm, where we learned how they make and age cheese, and then saw how they make clogs.  Both are quite the process.  We got to try on clogs, which actually are quite comfortable.  I got to get really close to a cow, so that was my favorite part, but I didn't get to milk it.  Nothing like riding thru the country on a beautiful day on your wedding anniversary, I might add.  Adam and I spent our fifth anniversary doing just that, riding bikes thru the Dutch country side and then going on the Heinekin tour.  It was quite wonderful.

Our second voyage to Europe was wonderful, it's hard to believe it was already 3 months ago, it feels like a lifetime ago.  Going is quite the addiction because it just triggers all the other places you want to go to in this world.  We feel lucky that we were able to get more stamps in the passport, and we feel lucky over the people we got to meet, who quickly stepped in and then back out of our lives.  Europe is wonderful like that and we most positively will be back. 

Travel makes you modest.  You see what a tiny place you occupy in this world. 

-Scott Cameron

announcements

It's been awhile since my last update.  I'm always struggling with that... no one reads what I write... why should I write it business.  Who really cares about little ole' me?  Why waste my time?

But then I think, one day I will like to look back and read what happened, and how it happened in my words.  So my dear 9 blog followers... if you would like to know what's new... read on.

My last update was Mother's Day when I went on a rant... what's fun... I gained a new reader!  I don't know her or how she even stumbled upon my blog, but she was kind enough to comment.  And my words spoke to her.  So I count that as a major win.  Hi, Brianna!

And here we go:

So I have developed a love affair with Dunkin' Donuts.  It all started when I gave up candy for Lent.  I thought, no sugary substances for me for 40 days.  What happened though was I traded in one horrible thing for another.  I found myself in the DD drive thru more than once a week, which is crazy, because before these past few months, I think I have eaten there maybe 10 times in my whole life.  I am a fairly new coffee drinker, and I am passionately in love with the medium hot coffee, 2 creams, no sugar.  I am excited that I finally have perfected the warm beverage.  Sometimes I get free donuts too.  I sadly have gained one of those customer cards, and am currently in an email battle with their customer service at the fact that they didn't send me my coupon for my free medium drink that was promised upon signing up.

One of my last posts was about Amanda's Baby Shower, since then, guess what?  She had the baby!  Julia Lynn joined the party in April.  Oh my, am I THAT behind in my updates?  Do you care, 9 blog followers?  Here is our first girls meeting, I like to entitle, "the pressure is on."

 I have been lucky enough to be able to see Amanda and Julia a few times after as well.  Below is the day that Adam got to meet her.  What a natural.

I got her this little onesie from Disney last year when I visited, before she was even born.  So Amanda had her dressed in it when I arrived.  Look at that face, maybe Minnie is not her character!

Somewhere in the last four months Morgen was here on business trip.  It was fun to have her even though she was here for work and not play.  We did manage to get a few of our favorite restaurants in and a walk thru Ulta.

Adam and I celebrated our anniversary on 5/30.  It's hard to believe it's been 5 years of married life already.  It really does go by fast.  We celebrated in a wonderful way too... in Amsterdam.  Probably the most exciting part of the last few months was our two week trip to Europe.  It was our second time crossing the pond together.  We were in Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, and The Netherlands.  But the day of, we were biking thru the Dutch countryside, and downing beers at the Heinekin Experience.  Our kind of day!

We had a new addition to our family... our brand- new- little- great- nephew Elliot Michael, came into this world in May, healthy and lovely.  He is just the cutest.

Father's Day my dad and I wore matching tshirts toasting to the fact that the CUBS are the worst team in baseball this year!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burger Fest came and went.  I finally got one sweet co-worker to take my call that day so that I could attend, as Andrea threatened it would probably be the last.  We love Burger Fest.  It's so much fun, and laid back.  An outdoor fest with inside accommodations.  Don't have to use a porta potty, don't have to pay 8 bucks for a beer, air conditioning, flip cup, free admission, and your choice of hamburger!!!!  What's not to love about this wonderful summer event?  Andrea still owes my co-worker gluten free cookies, though.

Jordan and Morgan are finally tying the knot in September, so their bridal shower was at the end of July.  We celebrated them with a back yard shower.  I remember when Jordan was just an annoying little kid to me and Rach... and now he's gonna be a husband.  It blows my mind.

 Here I am making them pose by the tree to take a picture.  Memories... people!!!!!!!

They will be getting married on my sister's property on 9/20.  I have told them time and again, that I would love to help the day of, and put some skills I have learned to use.  But they have not taken me up on it yet.  I am ready though to be thrown into the chaos if need be, last minute!

 2 weekends ago, we drove to Cleveland to meet Little Miss Grace.  She was born this past November, so it was time to get out there.  I am so happy that Cleveland is a drive-able distance.  It was also Dave's birthday, so we celebrated him too, with dinner HE made, and a Portillo's Chocolate cake, hand delivered.

 So 3 of us girls were together again.  It was so fun to spend some quality time hanging.

So 9 blog followers... that is what's new with us.  Besides this, we work.  Adam got a promotion and my hospital ranked 22 in the nation for Endoscopy/GI Services (I like to think I made that happen.)

Life is good.  Let me leave you with a sappy quote...

A physician once said, "The best medicine for humans is love."  Someone asked, "What if it doesn't work?"  He smiled and said, "Increase the dose."

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day.   The emotions I feel about one day being called mom are vast.  One minute it sounds great, and the next... I think... no way.  On the Internet you can find blogs about being a mom, being a working mom, being a stay at home mom, how to raise a kid, woman who struggle with infertility, women who struggle with children with specific illness, blogs about adoption, mom's under age 20, mom's over age 50, first time moms, moms with lots of kids..moms who have lost their children, moms who have lost their moms... but in my case... where's the group called... "Am I cut out for it?"  The group of women whom are perfectly capable, old enough, married, and supposedly ready as they will ever be, but just don't know, and don't want to become pregnant because it's what society says you should do next.

It used to be all my friends one by one were getting engaged, and then married.... but now I am in the prime of my life where all my friends one by one are becoming mothers.  Bridal showers are a thing of the past and baby showers are where it's at.  If they haven't had one, they are expecting, and some of them are on 2, 3, or 4.  Out of my close circle, I come in dead last, the outsider who still sits here and wonders if it is something I really want to happen.  I am beyond thrilled for each and everyone of them.  The ones that have the kids already are awesome at what they do.  The ones that are about to have them will be awesome.  They do what they do with such ease and skill.

But I have to say, as one who doesn't have them... I am certainly feeling the pressure.  I think about having a child on a daily basis and what my life would be like.  I jump from one extreme to the other.  I mostly feel the urge to have a child on holidays.  I most look forward to playing Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  I also want my child to know my mom and dad.  And let me tell you, none of us are getting any younger.  I think about having a child when my knees ache.  Because it reminds me that I am not a spring chicken anymore.  I worry that my body will not respond well to a pregnancy.  I am not ancient, I know, but I sometimes feel it.  And I am afraid people telling me "you have plenty of time," is going to end... really soon.

But as always I have never been one to go with the crowd, so having kids because my friends are doing it is just not acceptable for me.  I used  to feel like I had to wait till I was financially stable to have a child. I am over that and the fact that I will never have enough money to have a kid.  Ever.  Especially since our financial adviser told us we should actually start saving for our "unborn, unthought of" child's college education - yesterday.

So yes, the money thing is not what's stopping me.  But what is...

I am selfish.  It's true.  And I don't think it's a bad thing, I think it's good to know it.  I am not sure if I could truly put another first.  I enjoy my time.  My time alone, my time with my husband, my ability to go wherever I want, whenever I want.  The ease of getting out of the car and walking into the store without having to get the baby bag, the stroller, the umbrella to cover us when it's raining, and yes, the baby.  I like going on vacation.  I like short weekend getaways.  I like going to restaurants and to the gym and peeing by myself.  I like the fact that when I am sick, I can lay down, and sleep, and be the one being coddled.  I like freedom.  When you bring these things up, every one with a child will say... well you can still do those things.  Yah, I know, I got that.  You can do anything.  But with such ease?  No.  And I don't want to end up despising my kid for taking my personal freedoms away.

I am not a nurturer.  You think I would be since I am a nurse.  But, that nurturing thing... I just don't have it.  I am a mix between nurse Ratchett, and Florence Nightengale.  I tell it like it is.  I feel like if my kid were to come up to me crying... I would say, "stop it, it's not that bad."   Therefore, my kid would definitely grow to hate me.  Because I am going to make them do things.  I am going to make them put away their toys.  I am going to make them study.  I am going to make them get a job when they are old enough.  I am going to make them apologize when they are wrong.  Well, at least I am going to try.  I am going to be way meaner than dad.  And they will hate me for it.

It just has never been my life long dream to be a mom.  I have never had that undeniable urge to have a child.  Just like I never had a picture of a dream wedding, a dream man, or a dream job.  I have never planned out my life in such a way.  Some people look at you with disgust when you tell them this.  Like you are crazy to not want to procreate.  It's such a stigma.  I'm pretty sure it's okay not to want kids.  I dislike those that look down upon that.  A woman's life can be just as fulfilling without children.  The next logical step after getting married is not always to have children.  Is it?

And then of course, I want my husband 100% on board.  I don't want to have to "talk" Adam into it.  Too much I hear people saying... "well I had to talk my husband into having a child," or "we want someone to take care of us when we are older."  I want him to want children.  And as far as I can see he is in the same boat as me.  I have no worry in the world that he would make nothing but an excellent father.  To see him interact with the kids in our life is so fun, but we are both way too happy to wave good bye and say "see you next time."

And if I had a tag line for my life it would be this... "What if?"

I have a lot of friends and family who are unable to conceive.  They have tried multiple methods and they just can't have children and they want children more than life itself.  I have never had anything that I wanted so bad that I would do anything for it.  So I don't really understand that feeling of want or need.  What if I get pregnant easily?  How is that even fair to those in my life who can't?
And then what if one day I wake up, and have this huge change of heart, and I am in the same boat as they are.  Not being able to have kids is very different from choosing not to have them.  Will it hurt?  Will I feel differently?  I say I won't be upset, but I what if I am?  And it's too late.

I'm scared... Not just about the fact that I might not be a good mother.  The world we live in makes me mad and sad because no matter how great of a parent I might end up being, you can't protect them from everything.  And it honestly makes me not want to raise another being in it.  The pollution, the crime, the poor education, the cost, the allergies, school shootings, climate changes, stabbings, the wars, the fact that people don't know how to treat each other nicely,  the inability to trust, even our most trusted citizens for fear that they will hurt your child keeps me up at night.  And if one more person says "you just can't worry about that," I will go nuts.  Because I can't.  It's a fact that this world is not the same as it once was.

And then I think of all of this and soften a little,  if I become a mother, and all goes well.  And I bring a little girl or a little boy into this world despite the what ifs, and the lack of being a nurturer, and the fact that I can probably overcome my own selfishness and know that my kid will come before anyone and anything.  I am overwhelmed at the thought that this child will be half Adam and half me.  And the happiness I feel because that little hybrid will be ours.  And what a miracle it is to actually do that.  You see then, all of this will go out the window and I will wonder why I ever thought I could live without a child of my own.

You see I am not opposed.  And I am not for.  I am stuck in the middle.  And I feel like I am the only one.    Will all my fears make me laugh one day as I am giggling with my mini me... knowing that the best thing I ever did was have one?  Who knows.  Having a child changes your life.  That's what I do know.  And I am not sure I want my life to change.  Being Auntie Erica is fun.

As I said in this post.  I'm the odd man out.  7 friends of mine celebrated Mother's Day today for the first time and 1 special mom to be probably had a little celebration herself.  These are the handmade cards I whipped up for them.

As for me and my mom... we toasted to another Mother's Day with Hamm's!

Cheers.

Amanda's Baby Shower

 Our friendship started over a snail pillow in home economics, in 7th grade.  It's a story I never get tired of telling.  We both signed up to make snail pillows.  Except I came to school with all the fabric to make mine look EXACTLY like the teacher's 1970's replica and Amanda came to school with the coolest fabric of light pink flowers and pink rick rack.  I was like... "what are you doing???  It has too look like the teachers".... and she was like, "you can do whatever you want!"  It was really quite funny at the time and explains a lot of things about a friendship that is 18 years long.  For her bridal shower, and then her wedding... I tried and tried to find that damn snail pillow so that I could present it to her for a good laugh, and then now that she is having a little one, I tried to do the same.  I have no recollection of throwing it away, and one day I know somewhere it will turn up.  But today in my baby shower craft I got to make Baby Girl a onesie...  and I knew just what to draw!!!!  My snail pillow.  I hope she wears it with pride!!!!

So yes.... Amanda is having a baby!!!!  A little girl...her name will be Julia... and amazingly she is due on Andrea's birthday April 18th.  Today, we celebrated at Volare in Oak Brook.  The food was delicious and everyone had a wonderful time.

 The cake surrounded by 4 potted plants, one for each Great Grandma, and one for each Grandma to be.  This will be the first baby for all the cousins on Amanda's side.  So everyone was pretty excited.  

Andrea,Amanda,Erica

 We were each asked to bring a book in lieu of a card to fill Baby's library.  And then when Amanda opened your gift we were asked to come up and sit by her as she opened.  I gave Amanda some sort of chair thing that you attach to the counter or table and then put the baby in it.  Once they are in it you can spin them around.  So they can see you, I guess.  I don't know.  (I am sure that there is a much easier way to explain this.)  Anyways quote of the party as Amanda explains this thing to her guests.... "You put the baby in this and then you turn them one way to watch Daddy cook, and the other to watch Mommy dance!!!!"  Ahhh, yessssss.... that's exactly why I bought it!

We can't wait to meet her!!!!!!!!

And then there was one....   will the trend continue???????  Who really knows???????

Andrea's Shower

Amanda's Shower

31 (and fun!)

Well I am officially "in" my 30's.  That's no big deal when I talk to all the "adults" in my life.  Just wait till your 40, or wait till your 50, or 60 is what kills you... they say.

I went all out for my 30th.  Because I knew my future years would be taming down.  I have never had a wild and crazy birthday.  Age 10= Double Dare Live at the old Rosemont Age 16=sick as a dog, friends came over, and I love them to this day for eating the cake I blew the candles out on, didn't get that magical license you think you are going to get on the 16th birthday, I was still in the class.  Age 18=Miraculously the weather was like 60 degrees and the state was in shorts and tshirts, bought some lotto tickets and a pack of cigarettes.  Age 21= sat at home and studied for a huge nursing exam.  Age 25=very special... my golden birthday, sick again, but had many fun surprises.  Age 30= Key West, booze cruises, nude bars, swimming with dolphins, and sunsets...

Now I am 31.  And as I review all those birthdays and all the others that were in between... all that really mattered is that my friends and family were there.  And at every age they almost always were.  Gifts are fun, but what matters more is that they show up for a dinner I plan, go to a hockey game, put on cone hats and eat cupcakes, or slap on a pair of roller skates and skate to songs of the late 80's, even though we were all 23 years old.

Not that this is anything new, but I am reminded almost daily how precious life is, if something is not happening in  your life that makes you know that, just watch the news.  I have been a little extra teary eyed lately due to a friend of a friend losing her battle with cancer at the age of 29.  If that doesn't hit home.  Nothing will.  So, when I feel like my birthday is not "special" anymore, I remember that actually, it is.

My day consisted of going door to door and collecting all my free birthday goodies from particular stores.  It was nice to just have a day where I did whatever I wanted.  My request for my birthday to my mom was some floor lamps, which was received with an "are you crazy?" this was followed by my 2nd request to make beef stroganoff, which she obliged and my parents brought over to our house complete with the noodles and dessert.  My birthday dinner was excellent.  It was overall a very relaxing Tuesday.

I may not have that extra hop in my step, like when I was younger, or that gleam in my eye, but I suppose that is a part of growing up and I have had many wonderful birthdays to look back on, and there are sure to be many more to come... but yes, I am now "in" my 30's.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365 day journey around the sun.  Enjoy the trip.  -Unknown

Naureen's Last Day

Naureen's last day of work was this past Friday, so we got together for a mini going away party at Mago's in the Arboretum.  I have heard nothing but good things about this place, and was not disappointed.  I think I would have been perfectly fine just eating the guacamole that is freshly made beside your table.  It was delicious.  

Naureen is moving to Ohio to be with her husband.  They got married last April and have been separated because he is doing his residency in Cincinnati.  One more year to go before he is a full fledged pediatric doctor...  and then we hope they will be back in Illinois so he can practice at Children's... here's hoping... but until then Naureen, enjoy true day to day married life.  We will miss you!!!!

Lacey Visits

 Lacey came for a visit to good old Chicago and I was her tour guide.  It was cold.  But it was doable.  And her one request was to go up the John Hancock.  And that we did.  Going up on a Monday afternoon to the Signature Room was awesome.  No lines.  No problems.  And we even got a close to the window view.  

We walked around the city and had lunch downtown... and I wish it was something I could do every Monday afternoon.  I was so happy to have her visit.

#flossersforlife